She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!" Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."Ī funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to herīutt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."Īn elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid." Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. We just got off Route 142.Old Folks Short Stories Courtesy of Prentiss F. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.